Domestic abuse affects all of us!

If you are a victim of Domestic Abuse, please contact the Cheyney Police Department for advice, help and support. Our staff is trained to help you file PFA papers and help you in this situation. Even if you just need to talk, call our police department and speak to one of us. Domestic Violence is very serious and help is there just for the asking!

In Pennsylvania - in the year 2009.....

180 Domestic Violence fatalities including 7 children and 4 police officers gunned down by the perpetrator.

Victims come in all ages.....

19 year old Gettysburg College student strangled, stabbed and beaten to death by her boyfriend.

63 year old Haverford woman shot by her husband.

Domestic abuse is at epidemic proportions.

·         Every day four women are murdered by boyfriends or husbands.

·         Every nine seconds in the United States a woman is assaulted and beaten.

·         Domestic violence is the number one cause of emergency room visits by women.

·         In homes where domestic violence occurs, children are abused at a rate 1,500 percent higher than the national average.

·         Women are most likely to be killed when attempting to leave the abuser. In fact, they're at a 75 percent higher risk than those who stay.

·         A child's exposure to the father abusing the mother is the strongest risk factor for transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next.

These statistics are frightening and they are only some of the statistics. What is also frightening is that abuse still remains to a large degree hidden. The victim stays silent because of fear and shame and the abuser wants his behavior hidden.

Abuse shapes and defines society, the lives of victims, and the lives of abusers. Society has developed an acceptability of abuse. The media, entertainment, and sports industries all reinforce this acceptability. We can more easily address war crimes or assaults in our streets than those same types of crimes perpetrated in our homes.

Statistics gathered from Women's Rural Advocacy Programs, U.S. Department of Justice and National Domestic Violence Hotline

From the Domestic Violence Center of Chester County....

Put an end to dating violence!

What is Dating Abuse?

Dating abuse is a pattern of violence, threats and/or manipulation used to coerce and control one's partner in a dating relationship. Dating abuse can take many forms.

Here are some examples:

EMOTIONAL ABUSE: Yelling, name-calling (especially sexual names), verbal harassment humiliating you in public or private, accusing you of dating others or flirting with others, blaming you for his/her own problems.

PHYSICAL ABUSE: Punching, choking, hair-pulling, slapping, shoving, bending or twisting your fingers, arm twisting, hitting you head against the wall, pushing you into/pulling you out of a car.

SEXUAL ABUSE: Rape, unwanted touching or kissing, forclng you into unwanted sex acts, wanting sex after hitting, refusing to use birth control/protectlon.

FINANCIAL ABUSE: Stealing your money, using your ATM card or credit card without permission, deliberately breaking or damaging your possessions.

Warning Signs

To figure out if you are a victim of dating abuse, ask yourself these questions. Does the person I am dating...

Act jealous or possessive?

Insist on making all the decisions?

Treat me with disrespect (insult me, call me names, order me around)?

Blame me (or others) for his/her feelings or actions

Pressure me for sex?

Use physical force (hit me, restrain me, throw things) to get his/her way?

Refuse to accept that I want to break up?

Beg for another chance, especially after an outburst?

Blame drugs or alcohol for his/her violence?

Printable Dating Violence Brochure

Remember
You are not alone.
The abuse is not your fault.

Are You Afraid? What If You Want Out?

Talk to an adult NOW about staying safe and getting help. The more isolated you are from friends and family, the more control the abuser has over you.

There are people in your school, community and family who can help you.

You can also call us at the Domestic Violence Center of Chester County.
Our toll-free 24-hour hotline number is 1-888-711-6270.

Our services are free and confidential.The staff is here to help you. We will listen and provide you with information and support.

We can also refer you to other appropriate professionals who can help you if you need services not available at our agency.

If you or anyone else is in
immediate physical danger
CALL 9-1-1.

Safety Planning

Deciding whether to go out...

Know about the person who asked you out before you say "yes."

If your friends express concern about you going out with this person, take their warnings seriously.

If you have any concerns about going out with the person, DON'T GO.

If you decide to go...

Stay with or near other people: go to public places, double-date, or hang out with a group

Avoid being in an isolated area.

Be able to leave on your own: know where there are telephones and exits; have money with you in case you need to use the telephone or call a cab.

If you want to break up with someone who has been abusing you...

End the relationship over the telephone, so the abuser can't hurt you.

If you must see your former partner, do it in a public place

If you are alone at home, do not let the abuser in, no matter what he/she says.

Take any threats of violence by an abuse seriously. Don't laugh them off as "impossible" or a "sign of love". Abusers have no limits to what they will do, regardless of the consequences.

Key Points To Remember

ANYONE can be a victim of dating violence. Victims (and abusers) come from all age groups, races, classes and backgrounds.

Abuse gets worse over time. It may begin with verbal abuse and escalate to physical or sexual assault or other violence.

YOU cannot change the abuser. For any change to take place, the abuser must take responsibility for his/her behavior.

For Kids....

Things You Can Do To Stay Safe

Are you a child or teenager living in a home where violence occurs, either between your parents or your brothers and sisters?

If you answered yes, you should know that as a child living in an abusive household there are things that you can do to be safe.

You should not get in the middle of a fight between your parents or brothers and sisters, even if they ask you for help. This will not make the fighting stop, and you may get hurt.

If you want to help the abused person ask how or simply dial 911, learn important numbers including family and local emergency agencies, and go over a safety or escape plan with the abused person.

Tips on calling 911: When dialing 911 there are ways to make the response quicker, and to ensure your safety. First tell the operator your name and address, tell them what is going on and where this is happening, and you should tell them if this has happened before.

Before an emergency situation occurs you should know:

· Your full name

· Your complete address including city, state and zip code

· Your entire phone number with area code

· What situations will lead you to call 911. If domestic violence is occurring in your house, you might want to make up a code word with the abused parent or sibling. If he/she uses that word then you will call 911

During an emergency situation you should know:

· Dialing 911 can reach police, the fire department or ambulance

· Try to remain calm

· When the 911 operator answers, state the problem briefly and give your full name and address

· Do not hang up the phone until the operator says to

Asking For Help - Asking for help does not mean you are going to get in trouble, but if you do get into trouble call the police again or speak to a trusted adult. Trusted adults can include your teachers, ministers, coaches or family members. If your parents are separated, divorced or never married, the school should know who can and cannot pick you up from school. If the person who is abusive visits your school or tries to remove you, please notify a teacher or the principal. They can help you decide what to do next.

If you need someone to talk to, there is help for you at school or somewhere in your community.

Don't Blame Yourself

As a child living in an abusive home, it’s easy to blame yourself and think that what is going on is your fault. You think "If I would be quieter, better at school, neater, more respectful and so on and so on." Living there, you must know that no matter how hard you try, it does not stop. You are not the problem.

If the abused person or the abuser at some time needs to leave the home for safety reasons, remember again this is not your fault. The abuser in your home has a problem. This person chooses to be violent or controlling. There is help for abusers. This help can come after you call the police or through counseling. The abuser needs to learn that he/she does not have the right to use violence, threats or intimidation to get what he/she wants. Staying may seem dangerous or even stupid to you, but there are reasons and some of them include your safety. Talk to the abused person, talk to a teacher, or call a hotline and make a safety plan. For more help, or someone to talk to please check the links section or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.

A Poem to think about........

Another Woman

Today another woman died
and not on a foreign field
and not with a rifle strapped to her back,
and not with a large defense of tanks
rumbling and rolling behind her.

She died without CNN covering her war.
She died without talk of intelligent bombs
and strategic targets
The target was simply her face, her back
her pregnant belly.

The target was her precious flesh
that was once composed like music
in her mother’s body and sung
in the anthem of birth.

The target was this life
that had lived its own dear wildness,
had been loved and not loved,
had danced and not danced.

A life like yours or mine
that had stumbled up
from a beginning
and had learned to walk
and had learned to read.
and had learned to sing.

Another woman died today.
not far from where you live;
Just there, next door where the tall light
falls across the pavement.

Just there, a few steps away
where you’ve often heard shouting,
Another woman died today.

She was the same girl
her mother used to kiss;
the same child you dreamed
beside in school.
The same baby her parents
walked in the night with
and listened and listened and listened
For her cries even while they slept.

And someone has confused his rage
with this woman’s only life.
-Carol Geneya Kaplan