Domestic abuse affects all of us!
If you are a victim of Domestic Abuse, please contact the Cheyney Police Department for advice, help and support. Our staff is trained to help you file PFA papers and help you in this situation. Even if you just need to talk, call our police department and speak to one of us. Domestic Violence is very serious and help is there just for the asking!
In Pennsylvania - in the year 2009.....
180 Domestic Violence fatalities including 7 children and 4 police officers gunned down by the perpetrator.
Victims come in all ages.....
19 year old Gettysburg College student strangled, stabbed and beaten to death by her boyfriend.
63 year old Haverford woman shot by her husband.
Put an end to dating violence!
What is Dating Abuse?
Dating abuse is a pattern of violence, threats and/or manipulation used to coerce and control one's partner in a dating relationship. Dating abuse can take many forms.
Here are some examples:
EMOTIONAL ABUSE: Yelling, name-calling (especially sexual names), verbal harassment humiliating you in public or private, accusing you of dating others or flirting with others, blaming you for his/her own problems.
PHYSICAL ABUSE: Punching, choking, hair-pulling, slapping, shoving, bending or twisting your fingers, arm twisting, hitting you head against the wall, pushing you into/pulling you out of a car.
SEXUAL ABUSE: Rape, unwanted touching or kissing, forclng you into unwanted sex acts, wanting sex after hitting, refusing to use birth control/protectlon.
FINANCIAL ABUSE: Stealing your money, using your ATM card or credit card without permission, deliberately breaking or damaging your possessions.
To figure out if you are a victim of dating abuse, ask yourself these questions. Does the person I am dating...
- Act jealous or possessive?
- Insist on making all the decisions?
- Treat me with disrespect (insult me, call me names, order me around)?
- Blame me (or others) for his/her feelings or actions
- Pressure me for sex?
- Use physical force (hit me, restrain me, throw things) to get his/her way?
- Refuse to accept that I want to break up?
- Beg for another chance, especially after an outburst?
- Blame drugs or alcohol for his/her violence?
You are not alone.
The abuse is not your fault.
Are You Afraid? What If You Want Out?
- Talk to an adult NOW about staying safe and getting help. The more isolated you are from friends and family, the more control the abuser has over you.
- There are people in your school, community and family who can help you.
- You can also call us at the Domestic Violence Center of Chester County.
Our toll-free 24-hour hotline number is 1-888-711-6270.
- Our services are free and confidential.The staff is here to help you. We will listen and provide you with information and support.
- We can also refer you to other appropriate professionals who can help you if you need services not available at our agency.
If you or anyone else is in
immediate physical danger
Deciding whether to go out...
- Know about the person who asked you out before you say "yes."
- If your friends express concern about you going out with this person, take their warnings seriously.
- If you have any concerns about going out with the person, DON'T GO.
If you decide to go...
- Stay with or near other people: go to public places, double-date, or hang out with a group
- Avoid being in an isolated area.
- Be able to leave on your own: know where there are telephones and exits; have money with you in case you need to use the telephone or call a cab.
If you want to break up with someone who has been abusing you...
- End the relationship over the telephone, so the abuser can't hurt you.
- If you must see your former partner, do it in a public place
- If you are alone at home, do not let the abuser in, no matter what he/she says.
- Take any threats of violence by an abuse seriously. Don't laugh them off as "impossible" or a "sign of love". Abusers have no limits to what they will do, regardless of the consequences.
Key Points To Remember
- ANYONE can be a victim of dating violence. Victims (and abusers) come from all age groups, races, classes and backgrounds.
- Abuse gets worse over time. It may begin with verbal abuse and escalate to physical or sexual assault or other violence.
- YOU cannot change the abuser. For any change to take place, the abuser must take responsibility for his/her behavior.
A Poem to think about........
and not on a foreign field
and not with a rifle strapped to her back,
and not with a large defense of tanks
rumbling and rolling behind her.
She died without talk of intelligent bombs
and strategic targets
The target was simply her face, her back
her pregnant belly.
that was once composed like music
in her mother’s body and sung
in the anthem of birth.
that had lived its own dear wildness,
had been loved and not loved,
had danced and not danced.
that had stumbled up
from a beginning
and had learned to walk
and had learned to read.
and had learned to sing.
not far from where you live;
Just there, next door where the tall light
falls across the pavement.
where you’ve often heard shouting,
Another woman died today.
her mother used to kiss;
the same child you dreamed
beside in school.
The same baby her parents
walked in the night with
and listened and listened and listened
For her cries even while they slept.
with this woman’s only life.
-Carol Geneya Kaplan